Starting off the New Year with a Bang

Happy New Year’s everyone!  I love the idea of starting over every January.  Cleansing the home and the soul and making resolutions and good intentions and just . . . renewing oneself.  Part of my renewal this year is to reconnect and stay connected with our friends and relatives from home while Everett and I stay happily retired and far south of New England.  To that end, I wrote holiday letters to several folks back home and was thrilled to get one back from Dot and Roger Mitchell.

Dot and Roger have been married forever – they met in kindergarten and never really looked at anyone else.  They’re both good Swamp Yankees who know the value of a dollar and get every penny’s worth out of every one.  They’re also the product of the 60’s sexual revolution, which seems to come up in every conversation.  Dot wrote that since Roger retired last summer things haven’t been “up to snuff” in that area and she was getting disgusted with him.  “There’s nothing wrong with his prostate or his blood pressure,” she relayed.  “It just seems like he doesn’t THINK about it anymore!”  Well Dot has never been one to sit back and let things slide, so she started researching on the Internet and discovered a whole new world of aids and supplements.  “He won’t take Viagra again ’cause the lights danced in his eyes and the package said that wasn’t good.  Well, it was good enough when we were kids dropping acid!” she noted.  (perhaps I shouldn’t have shared that bit . . .)

Dot has settled upon an herbal supplement called Horny Goat Weed.  It’s supposed to get a man to “thinking about it” again.  She’s quite happy to have found a supplier with a “buy one, get one free” policy and has been adding the powder to Roger’s supper for a couple of weeks now*.  I hope her next letter will let us know if 2014 started off with a bang!

Horny Goat Weed*Please note that I am NOT condoning nor promoting such behavior!


10 thoughts on “Starting off the New Year with a Bang

  1. Well, everyone is different aren’t they? Me? I guess I lost interest awhile ago and the only thing interesting is my lack of interest. I sure don’t feel deprived-only slightly relieved. But YAY! for the 40 years it DID interest me!

    • Thank you for your insight – I’m mighty glad I’m still interested, but recognize I don’t think about “it” as often as I once did. As noted in a previous comment, there are other important intimacies that mean so much as we grow older. A memorable line from the BBC TV show “Lost in Austen” is spoken by a mother to her 30-something daughter who isn’t interested in marriage: “But who will button your coat when you’re 70?!?!”

      • LOL!!! I can just see it – a little spider monkey with big eyes, crawling down off your shoulder to do up the buttons. You’ll give him slices of banana for a reward and he’ll snuggle into your neck to eat them. Sounds like way less trouble than a husband (oops, Everett just protested that!)

  2. I could use some myself, since I am seven years older than my husband! Also, I love the use of “swamp YanKee” since no one in these parts seems to understand what it means or have ever heard the term. I was brought up being told I was a swamp Yankee.

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